I have ransacked my sub-conscience. I have disinterred everything, everything hidden and secret—from the holy to the wicked, the puritan to the pervert, the peaceful to the violent, the conformist to the anarchist, the flexible to the radical, the decent to the indecent, the reserved to the outgoing, the prudent to the adventurous, and from the good to the evil. I needed to do so in order to know not only who I was but most of all to define who I wanted to be.
More than a ferocious prosecutor, I went after the truth about myself. Then, I started putting restrictions and constraints on myself, and moreover building that fortress around me trying to be ready for the unknown and the unexpected.
I believe that an action on the spur of the moment is a sudden revelation and manifestation of what is hidden in our sub-conscience.
I believe that one who says that he or she was swayed into doing something against his or her will did not explore enough or at all his or her own boundaries deep enough in order to know what he or she is capable of doing.
In fact, as human beings, we are all inclined to doing what human beings do. The major difference lies on the fact that each and every one of us makes his or her own and personal choices and behaves differently accordingly.
I am not either surprised or outraged by the misbehavior of any priests, preachers, nuns or God loving people. One must define his or her humanity. One’s devotion to God does not eradicate or annihilate one’s humanity. It simply enhances it, from humanity to divinity. This freely self-imposed choice to be perfect as our Father in the Central Isle of Paradise is perfect will be met with humongous, terrible, gigantic horrible tests or sweet and easy temptations.
One’s devotion is and will remain a very rigorous learning process. Confessions of one’s mistakes or faux-pas may find the arms of a compassionate God wide open for forgiveness. So we are being told. But, one does have the ultimate responsibility to engage his or her conscience in order to assess his or her moral capacity, mental and spiritual disposition in the quest for enlightenment.
Deviations in spiritual teachings do exist but they do not hamper one’s quest, for the light within us provides the supreme and infallible guidance inward. Your humble servant does not assert at all that he is perfect. Like any children of God, he is facing the burden of his own existence not as gracious as it may seem, but determined however to reach his final destination—being with His Father and standing in front of Him in His kingdom. Such a very long, sinuous and arduous way ahead!
Words of faith!